How EMDR Therapy Can Quiet the “I Have to Be Perfect” Voice (And Help You Breathe Again)
By: Suki O Huallachain, MA, CCC
Serenity Counselling, Port Coquitlam, BC
Let’s talk about perfectionism. Not the “I just like things tidy” kind, but the “If I’m not flawless, I’m failing” kind. You know the drill: overthinking every text, replaying mistakes like a broken record, or feeling like your worth is a report card you can never ace. If you’re exhausted from hustling for a gold star that doesn’t exist—I see you.
That’s where EMDR therapy steps in. And no, it’s not a productivity hack or a mindset journal prompt. EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is a neuroscience-backed way to rewire the belief that you must be perfect to be enough. Think of it like uninstalling the guilt software your brain’s been running on loop.
What EMDR Does to Perfectionism (Spoiler: It’s Not Positive Affirmations)
Imagine carrying a backpack full of rocks labeled “Not Good Enough.” Perfectionism isn’t about high standards—it’s often rooted in old messages (“Mistakes mean I’m unlovable”) or experiences (hello, childhood criticism). EMDR helps your brain file those rocks in the past where they belong—so you can walk lighter.
Here’s the twist: EMDR uses bilateral stimulation (eye movements, taps, or sounds) to help your brain reprocess the memories or beliefs fueling your inner critic. It’s not about “thinking positive”—it’s about changing how those beliefs live in your nervous system. You won’t magically become careless, but you’ll stop feeling like your value depends on a flawless performance.
Why EMDR Works for Perfectionism (Even If You’re Skeptical)
Let’s geek out for a sec. Perfectionism often starts as a protective mechanism (“If I’m perfect, I won’t get rejected”). But when your brain gets stuck in that loop, it’s exhausting. EMDR helps by:
Unlocking the origin story: Tracing perfectionism back to its roots (e.g., a parent’s harsh words, bullying, or cultural pressures).
Updating the narrative: Shifting from “I have to be perfect” to “I’m allowed to be human.”
Calming the inner drill sergeant: Reducing the panic of “not enough” so you can take risks without spiraling.
Research shows EMDR isn’t just for trauma—it’s powerful for negative self-beliefs too. A 2020 study in Frontiers in Psychology found EMDR significantly reduces self-criticism by reprocessing the memories that fuel it.
“But Wait—I’m Not ‘Traumatized.’ Can EMDR Still Help?”
Absolutely. Perfectionism isn’t always about “big T” trauma. Maybe you grew up hearing “Don’t embarrass us” or learned to equate mistakes with failure at school. EMDR works for any memory or belief that feels emotionally charged—even if it seems “small.”
Bonus: You don’t need to dissect every imperfect moment in therapy. EMDR focuses on the felt sense of the belief, not just talking about it. If you’re tired of overanalyzing, this could be your shortcut to relief.
What EMDR Sessions Look Like for Perfectionism
Wondering how this works? Here’s our approach at Serenity Counselling:
1. Mapping the Belief
We’ll explore when “I have to be perfect” started and how it shows up now (work, relationships, self-talk).
2. Reprocessing the Roots
Using bilateral stimulation, we’ll gently target the memories or experiences tied to your perfectionism.
3. Installing New Beliefs
We’ll replace “I’m only worthy if I’m perfect” with something like “I am enough as I am.” (Yes, your brain can actually start to believe this.)
4. Future-Proofing
Practice responding to mistakes or criticism without the old panic. Spoiler: It feels like freedom.
Why EMDR Beats “Just Chill Out” Advice
Brain-Level Change: Targets how beliefs are stored in the amygdala (the brain’s alarm system).
Body Awareness: Addresses the physical stress of perfectionism—tight chest, perfectionist paralysis, burnout.
Faster Results: Many clients notice shifts in 6-10 sessions, versus years of traditional talk therapy.
Ready to Ditch the Perfect Mask? Let’s Talk.
If you’re done with burnout, self-doubt, and the tyranny of “shoulds,” here’s your next step:
Book a Free 20-Minute Consult: Let’s chat about your goals—no pressure, no judgment.
Reprocess the “Perfect” Myth: Online or in our Port Coquitlam office, we’ll tailor EMDR to your story.
Reclaim Your Imperfectly Wonderful Life: Imagine choosing “good enough” without guilt.
Click here to schedule your consult—because you deserve to thrive, not just perform.
FAQs (Because Perfectionists Love Preparation)
Q: Will EMDR make me lazy or unmotivated?
A: Nope! It helps you shift from fear-driven perfection to healthy striving. You’ll still care—you’ll just breathe easier.
Q: How soon will I feel different?
A: Some notice relief after 1-3 sessions. Deeper shifts take longer, but we’ll track progress together.
Q: What if I get emotional during sessions?
A: Totally normal. We’ll go at your pace, and you’ll have tools to stay grounded.
Related Reads
"I’m Done Talking—What Else Can I Try?" How EMDR & Brainspotting Can Help
How EMDR Therapy Can Help Heal Trauma (and Why Your Brain Will Thank You)
Connect via contact page or book online today. Your journey from “perfect” to “peaceful” starts when you’re ready.
Serenity Counselling serves Port Coquitlam, Coquitlam, and online clients across BC. Evening and weekend spots available.
