How Shame Affects the Body
By Suki O Huallachain
Shame isn’t just an emotion we feel in our minds; it’s something we carry in our bodies. Toxic shame, in particular, can linger for years, showing up not just in how we think about ourselves but also in how our bodies react. If you’ve ever felt your chest tighten or your stomach churn when thinking about something shameful, you’ve experienced this connection firsthand. Let’s dive into how shame affects the body, the signs to look out for, and how therapies like EMDR, Brainspotting, and somatic approaches can help you heal.
What Is Toxic Shame?
Toxic shame is a powerful, lasting form of shame that can significantly affect your mental, emotional, and physical well-being. Unlike guilt, which focuses on a specific action (“I did something bad”), shame feels like a judgment of your entire self (“I am bad”). When it becomes toxic, shame doesn’t just go away—it takes root and affects how you see yourself and interact with the world.
How Does Shame Show Up in the Body?
Shame is more than just a feeling; it’s something we store in our bodies. Experts in mind-body connections suggest that emotions like shame can create physical sensations and even chronic tension in certain areas of the body:
Chest: You might feel tightness or constriction, like you can’t fully breathe.
Stomach: That gut-wrenching feeling or churning sensation is a common way shame manifests.
Throat: Your throat may feel tight, making it hard to express yourself.
These physical reactions aren’t random. They’re your body’s way of responding to emotional pain. Over time, these sensations can become chronic, reinforcing the emotional burden of toxic shame.
Signs and Symptoms of Toxic Shame
Toxic shame can show up in different ways, and it’s not always obvious. Here are some signs:
Low Self-Esteem: A persistent feeling that you’re not good enough.
Perfectionism: The need to be perfect as a way to hide perceived flaws.
Isolation: Avoiding people or situations out of fear of rejection or exposure.
Self-Criticism: A harsh inner voice that constantly puts you down.
Difficulty Setting Boundaries: Struggling to assert your needs because you fear rejection.
Where Does Toxic Shame Come From?
Toxic shame often starts early in life. Some common causes include:
Critical Parenting Styles: Growing up with overly critical or authoritarian caregivers.
Abuse or Neglect: Physical, emotional, or verbal abuse can instill a deep sense of unworthiness.
Cultural and Societal Expectations: Shame can arise from failing to meet societal or cultural standards.
Trauma: Childhood or adult trauma can leave long-lasting imprints of shame and guilt.
How Therapy Can Help
Traditional talk therapy can be helpful, but it doesn’t always address the body’s role in holding onto shame. That’s where body-focused therapies like EMDR, Brainspotting, and somatic approaches come in.
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing)
EMDR helps you process shame by targeting the memories and beliefs that fuel it. Through guided eye movements, EMDR can reduce the emotional charge of shameful experiences, helping you reframe them in a healthier way.
Brainspotting
Brainspotting uses your brain’s natural healing ability to uncover and release stored trauma. By focusing on specific eye positions, this therapy helps you access and process shame at a deep, subconscious level.
Somatic Therapies
Somatic therapies focus on the mind-body connection. Techniques like mindfulness, breathwork, and gentle movement help you tune into and release the physical tension associated with shame. These approaches encourage self-compassion and reconnect you with your body in a positive way.
Moving Forward
Toxic shame doesn’t have to control your life. By understanding how shame affects your body and recognizing its symptoms, you can take steps toward healing. Whether it’s through EMDR, Brainspotting, or somatic therapies, help is available. These approaches go beyond talk therapy to address the root causes of shame, empowering you to reclaim your self-worth and live authentically.
If you’re ready to start your healing journey, reach out to a therapist who specializes in these methods. Healing is possible, and you deserve to feel whole again.
