Finding Words in the Waves of Emotion: Talking to Loved Ones When You're Upset

Many people come to therapy in hopes of working on communications skills, this can be both in individual therapy and in couples therapy. Emotions can run high during times of distress, and it's often those closest to us who bear the brunt of our upset feelings. Communicating effectively with loved ones when we're in a state of emotional turmoil is crucial, not just for our relationships, but for our own mental health. Here are some ways to help you express yourself without causing miscommunication.

Step Back and Breathe

Before you approach your loved one, take a moment to breathe deeply and calm your immediate emotional response. This can prevent the conversation from starting on a confrontational note.

Use "I" Statements

Frame your feelings and thoughts around your own experiences. For example, "I feel angry when..." instead of "You make me angry by...". This centers the conversation on your feelings and not on the other person's actions.

Be Clear and Direct

Ambiguity can lead to misinterpretation, no one has the superpower of being a mind reader. Clearly express what's bothering you and why it's affecting you. This clarity can help your loved one understand your perspective.

Listen Actively

Communication is a two-way street. After sharing your feelings, give your loved one a chance to respond. Listen to their perspective with an open mind.

Seek Understanding, Not Victory

The goal of the conversation should be to reach mutual understanding, not to 'win' an argument. Approach the conversation with the intent to resolve and heal.

Set a Positive Tone

Even when distressed, try to communicate with love and respect. Setting a positive tone can make it easier for your loved one to hear your concerns without feeling attacked. This could mean taking a break and coming back to the conversation when you are feeling more capable of introspective conversations. Not all conversations have to concluded in one go.

Ask for What You Need

Sometimes, we just need to be heard. Other times, we might need advice or assistance. Be clear about what you're seeking from the conversation. Remember, our needs can’t be met if we don’t clarify what they are.

Practice Self-Compassion

Recognize that it's okay to be upset and that expressing your emotions is a healthy and necessary part of life.

Seek Professional Help if Needed

If you find communication is consistently difficult, consider seeking the help of a therapist to navigate tough emotions and conversations.